| Viva Ed Vegas Introduction-Mud Sling-Edd
Viva Ed Vegas Chapter One-Eds Will Roll
Chapter One Part Two
E-Mail Rach!
E-mail The Eds!
Contents!
Click To Hear Music!
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NOW PLAYING-Earth Wind and Fire-September-EDD: My favourite month!
EDDY: what a sad lonely life you lead, Double Dee...
PICS BY RACH
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(pic by Rach)
Genius! Pure Genius!" laughed Eddy as he ran his piggy eyes over the letter for the 40th time.
"A loser they called him...a bum they called him! Ha! What saps!" He
crowed as he crumpled the letter up and put it back in his shirt pocket with Pride.
"Ah...the September air is so sweet on my lungs!"
sighed Edd. "The Euphoria! the utter euphoria!"
"Last one to the bus is an Ed!" crowed Sarah as she and Jimmy
raced to the end of the street.
"Morning Sarah! Morning Jimmy!" Edd spluttered in the upset dust they left behind.
Edd kneeled down by Ed's basement window and
kicked it open as he slid in. "School is my sanctuary! it means no more summer boredom! No more perspiration and
DEFINITELY NO MORE-"
"This is so perfect!"
"...scams."
Edd's newfound joviality was soon shattered as he spied Eddy flapping around with
that familiar insanity he
got just before they embarked on one
of his crazy enterprises.
He was so wrapped up in whatever snagged his
money-hungry mind he
didn't hear Edd jump down onto Ed's
desk and gingerly
make his way over to where he and Ed stood.
"I just knew that last bit was too good to be true!"
lamented Edd.
"Don't move, brickbag!" Eddy chimed as he reached for Ed's arm.
"Did I go somewhere?"
asked Ed.
"Messy,Messy,Messy!" muttered Edd as he squirmed his way through
the debris sprawled contentedly on Ed's bedroom floor.
Squelch! Edd looked
down and winced when he saw his foot buried in the remainder of a
buttered-toast-peanutty-butty-gravy sandwich. He shirked in horror and proceeded to
crash into Ed's moth-ridden bed. Horrified, Edd snapped up and shivered as he pain-stakingly plucked off every
stray hair on his new shorts, t-shirt and socks.
"Ed, how do you live this way?!?" he cried in disgust.
"I breathe in and out! In and out! in and out! in and out!"
answered Ed in all seriousness, huffing and puffing his lungs to their full capacity,
his gorilla-like arms swaying like swings at his sides as he moved.
He lost his breath and breathed in, starting his demonstration over again.>"Stand still, lumpy!" demanded Eddy, backhanding him as he did. Ed nodded and laughed merrily. "Okey dokey, smokey!" he smirked.
Eddy grunted and fidgeted as Ed wriggled his arm around. "ha-hur-ha-ha-hur-ha-hur!" he bellowed. "That tickles, Eddy!"
"Eddy sewing...Prom suit...boy, have we reached an all-time-low." sighed Edd to himself as he hopped over. "Let me guess, you're entering Ed into a beauty pageant, Eddy?"
Ed blushed. "I'm the toast of the town, Double-D!"
"Not even close, sockhead!" grinned Eddy. Ed frowned disappointedly.
Eddy leapt up onto the table standing like a meerkat on the lookout
directly in front of Edd
, fastened the dickie bow around
Ed's neck and
then jumped back down.
Edd with severe panic tried to intercept Eddy's jittering feet before
he stomped all his brand new school shoes.
"Will you please watch where you’re stepping !" he snapped,
sitting down hastily in Ed's swivel chair.
"My brother…in Vegas!" gasped Eddy ecstatically. "My brother!
forming his own talent agency!
This is so cool!"
Eddy jumped down onto Edd’s knee and grabbed his cheeks
with his clammy hands.
"Double-Dee…it’s a sign! My magic 8 ball TOLD me I’d be a celebrity one day,
on the TV with my own show,
in my own movie even,
you never know your luck, do ya?"
Eddy wiped his hands over his face in passionate disbelief.
"And now with my brother as mr BigShot Talent Scout, I’ll be rubbing ankles with the stars
quicker than you can say Over-The-Shoulder-Boulder-Holder!"
Ed laughed.
"Over-Shoulder-Bol"-
"Can it, lumpy I’m extemporising, here!"
Eddy put a silencing finger on Ed’s gullible mouth.
"I'll get the tissues!" Ed replied.
Eddy kicked the ground so the swivel chair spun like a cyclone.
Edd squeaked with nausea
as Eddy leaned back and whooped.
Edd borked and wrestled with
his churning stomach.
He shook his head briskly.
"Eddy...what exactly ARE you talking about?" Edd slurred
losing track. "All I know is that i'm on the verge of losing my
special back-to-school breakfast i had this morning through
your insane
Behaviour!"
"Oh man, what planet are you on, Double Dee? My brother WROTE to me!
after 2 years of nothing...he wrote to me!" Eddy yelped.
Edd looked up at Ed, who was feeling mighty dandy in Eddy's brother's prom tux.
"You...sewing? It must be something significant!" snorted Edd to Eddy.
"Yeah, its times like this I wish there was a
maid around the place!" eddy sighed.
"Why couldn't you just ask your mom?" said Edd, irking at Eddy's less-than-delicate embroidery.
"What, are you kidding? The woman's so dumb she got run over by a parked car!"
Eddy scoffed. "Besides which..."
Eddy looked around him. "Nobody knows he wrote...it's a secret...so shush!"
"Shush!" contributed Ed.
"Shush?" asked Edd.
"Shush!" nodded Eddy.
"Let me read that letter!" he slurred.
"I want it back when you’re done!" Eddy said reluctantly. "Might be worth something
one day!"
"Hmm…I’ll take your word for it, shall I?" mumbled Edd sarcastically as he straightened
the well-thumbed paper that stank of cheap cologne-the same one Eddy wore.
"That’s the latest fragrance from Paris, y’know!" Bragged Eddy.
"What, they’ve been having trouble with their sewers again?" asked Edd with an offended nose..
"Just read the darn letter, drippy!" snapped Eddy .
"Fair enough, point taken." Grimaced Edd.
" "Dear mini-me"…mini-me?" Edd irked at the tacky rip-off of a well-known movie term.
"Just a liddle joke we got going on, big bro
n me!" smirked Eddy.
Edd’s eyebrows dropped heavily with cynicism as he continued:
""Sorry I ain’t been in touch with you for a while now. Two years doesn’t half fly
when you live the renegade life I do…" read Edd with as much enthusiasm as a congealed kipper.
" C'mon, Olivier, put your back into it! you sound like
you're watching Zombie brainmunchers"-
"Hey, careful!" threatened Ed. his meaty frill-encircled fist wobbling in front of him.
"Settle down, noodlestring, I was just saying"-
"Shurrup n sew!" interrupted Ed, thrusting the needle at Eddy.
"Oooh, quite the diva on the sly, ain't ya?" laughed Eddy, taking the needle off him.
.
Edd glanced over what he had just read with a certain feeling of condescension.
Nature was definitely putting up a good fight to nurture in Eddy’s gene pool.
The similarities between him and his brother glared out like
blinding sunlight.
Edd moved the letter closer to his face
as he focused.
"…I honestly thought because the car was parked outside a cemetery the guy had
to be dead…what?!?"
Eddy waved Edd’s questioning away.
"No no no!" he blurted.
"scrap that, it ain’t important…here! Here!"
Eddy rapped his fingertip on the paper impatiently
.
Edd abandoned his fruitless instigating and read on.
"Right now I’m liming the light in Las Vegas, baby! I wrote to you directly
"small"…small…your brother calls you small?"
"Yeah, ain’t it the best?!?" sniggered Eddy proudly.
" You’d butcher me if I called you small!" Edd protested.
"Yeah but, c’mon!" Eddy put his arm around Edd’s shoulder
demonstratingly.
"there’s you…and then there’s my brother…need I say more?"
"Oh no, you’ve said sufficient!" huffed Edd as he persevered with the letter.
"…because I know "THEY"…who’s they?" Edd asked. Eddy rolled his eyes.
"The ‘rents, who do ya think? Couple of narks!" tutted Eddy. Edd stared at him
blankly for a moment before continuing .
"But still…you’re the man, liddle bro! Soon’ll come the day
where you can do whatever you darn want
that’s my motto!
I’ll cut to the chase, slick. Vegas is unprepared for what I got in store!
For once I can stay on the straight n narrow and still have
a booty-bouncin’ good time,
mon amigo! Y’see, our kid, I’ve mustered up a talent
agency right in the heart of the action.
All the newbies and wannabees and gonnabees and celebrit-ees
are gonna go head over
heels and we’re independently secure!
:::WARNING!!SHAMELESS WEBSITE ADVERTISING AHEAD!!:::
It’s called "The Gravytrain" for now cos baby, that’s exactly
what it is! One long-lovin-toe-tapping-thrill-fizzin-babe-o-rama…hey,
if ya lookin’ I can fix ya up with some of the little gems I got
on my books, Small!"
Edd looked cynically at the prom suit. "Heh...judging from examples of his personal taste...I'll think I'll pass!"
chortled Edd to himself.
.
"Yo, Roseycheeks, what’s the hold-up! Keep reading!" ordered Eddy.
" There's two particular girls about your age
that might take your fancy, but that's another episode.
Let me tell ya, I’ve had some narrow squeaks as the main man
of this liddle cash kabboose…" Y’know Eddy, this is BEYOND
weird!" giggled Edd.
" It’s like I’m reading a letter from YOU!"
"I know!" Eddy blubbed, wiping a sentimental tear away from his eye.
"Beautiful, ain’t it? Kinda makes ya feel all tingly inside!"
"It makes me feel SOMETHING inside, Eddy!"
snorted Edd as he turned back towards the letter.
He picked up where he left off.
"My partner, Eddy, he’s the tart’s suspenders, baby!
He’s an English guy, Benny he’s called"…Benny Twinkle…interesting name..." Edd pondered.
" His pops actually owns that big ol house back home in Peach Creek, Pineapple Place...
Two words....cash-ola...bank-ola!..."that's actually four"-
"It's liquid, Double Dee! If my brother can go Vegas, so can we!" squealed Eddy.
"But, Eddy!" said Edd in that authorative way that
boiled Eddy's blood. Eddy ignored him as he always did.
"My bro may have gone the artsy fartsy way with his talent agency n
all, but we-re going the whole hog, bay-bee!" Eddy said with a swing of his hips.
"You are looking at the future doorman" Eddy pointed to plasticine-like Ed as he
twiddled his
dickie bow flirtatiously.
"And master of ceremonies-that's me, naturally-of the hippest, coolest, wackiest,
nowest, smartest,
and jawbreaker-chomping-tastic-est casino in the whole stinking world! "
"Can I please interject?" said Edd. "Firstly, it is not only illegal for our age group to participate
in any activity involving gambling in any fashion or form, but
it is also highly unethical, stripping the average good-working
upright citizen of his hard-earned money and slowly deteriorating
his character until he becomes a desperate and irrational shadow
of his former self!"
"You actually EAT with that mouth?" asked Eddy, one eyebrow raised confusedly.
Edd folded his arms and turned away as he continued.
"Maybe you want to live in a deceitful and distrusting world Eddy," he scolded
"but as a decent and righteous adult of tomorrow I strive in every way to"-
"Can I please fuel inject now, Mr I-know-everything-about-nothing?!?" Eddy snapped, turning around in his
seamstress seat sharply, pricking Ed by accident with his needle.
"Ow!!" yelped the big doofus as he lost his balance and wobbled on the stool like a weeble.
Edd rushed to his aid, steadying him and rubbing Ed's hand. "There there, Ed"
he cooed as he wiped a tear from his eye. Eddy shook his head.
"cry-baby. Anyway, what was I saying before I was so rudely interrupted by the troglodyte?
Oh yeah! Where do I start?!?"
Eddy took his hands, clasping them
in a know-all fashion, mimicking Edd.
" Firstly Double dee, My annoyingly moral friend, what is our lovely suburban cul-de-sac haven missing?" sneered Eddy, ripping back the blinds from Ed's stairway window, letting the morning light spill in. Ed and Edd squinted and shaded their eyes.
"Oh I don't know Eddy, erm..."
"Onions?" peeped Ed.
"Not quite, skunkpits. What do you think double"-
"Napoleon?"
"A historical figure, very good Ed." praised Edd. With that Ed grimaced with pride.
" I don't know Eddy, but I'm sure you'll tell me." Edd yawned.
"Las Vegas, of course! It's the ultimate money-magnet, Double-D! We'll be raking it in!"
"Have you listened to a word I've said Eddy?!?" Scolded Edd."Y'know,I WAS hoping for a clean slate on our return to school, mister!"
"I'm not finished yet, smartypants!" Eddy growled. " The pigeons don't gamble for money...they gamble for jawbreakers!"
"Pardon my English but...get real, Eddy!" reprimanded Edd.
"the kids will never fall for that lacklustre stunt in a million years!
And what would they win, we have no jawbreakers for the jackpot prize!"
"Of course they will!" said Eddy smugly, blowing on and polishing his knuckles on his shirt.
"Where there's a will, there's a scam! Anyways, how can they resist
my brothers prom tux after my magic touch?"
Edd tugged on the sleeve gently, and the jacket ripped at the seams and collapsed in a
heap of material on the floor. The Eds choked and spluttered on
the upset dust. The tuxedo hadn't seen the light of day for quite a while.
"when does it end?!?" despaired Eddy, kneeling on the floor cradling his face in his hand.
"Stoopid out-of-fashion tuxedo!" he snorted as he pulled the rent-a-tux label off the unreturned suit in anger. With that the belt snapped and the trousers swam around Ed's ankles.
"I'm not decent" he said coyly, a shy grin across his beetroot face.
"C'mon fellas, it's almost time for school. Enough horseplay!" ordered Edd,
frog-marching an extremely disorientated Eddy out.
"The torment! the utter torment! just one lousy scam to work !"
he proclaimed as he stomped up the stairs.
"Eddy, look on the bright side...we're back in school!" chirped Edd
"Breathe in the aroma of new pencil cases and books! "
"whoopee. I'm crimping my shorts with excitement over here." snorted Eddy.
"I love chickens, double-dee!" said Ed, fighting with a stubborn trouser leg as he tried to get his pants on.
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