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"Are you gonna write back to your brother? "
asked Edd as he pulled out the old text books to hand in from last year.
They reeked of times gone past and life before a summer crammed with
relentless parlour trick scams.
"Of course I am!" snapped Eddy. " I'm gonna e-mail tonight!" Eddy thumped on his locker door
and it creaked open.
" The 'rents are having an "early night" tonight so I should be able to
snag the laptop off the old man while he ain't looking...
can I come over to yours for a few hours,
I mean, some things are better left to denial..." Eddy's face scrunched up with disgust.
"Of course, anything to assist!" Edd smiled
in his educational excitement.
"I don't remember the last time my parents had an early night..." said Edd as
he slammed his locker door shut and leaned back on it.
"Good for you...eeeuch!" Eddy contorted.
He jabbered on about his great casino scheme. Ed stood beside him,
laughing as he tried to catch a light reflected by
a hand mirror May Kanker and her sisters were flicking around the hallway.
" Do not taunt me, fly of fire with no wings at all!" Ed warned.
Hiding behind the wall, they exploded with laughter when he banged his head for
the fourth time after ramming it into the drinks machine in an effort
to catch it.
Edd rolled his eyes as Kevin accidentally-on-purpose tripped him up with his foot. "de ja vu..."
"Watch where you're going, dork!" he jeered.
"Oh Kevin!" purred Lee as she sauntered towards
him and the Ed's with her sisters following
with equally red and puckered lips. "Home cookin's hot, steelybuns!"
"I'm outta here!" he squeaked and left a dust trail behind him as he rocketed into the boy's bathroom. Ed hid his head under Edd's arm.
I am an Ostrich! Oink! I am invisible! Oink!" he pleaded pitifully. Edd shuddered and with a pointed finger outstretched stammered "k-k-ka-k-k-kank-ke-k-k-kan.."
"And I'm gonna do a regular Elvis routine and with my charisma the pigeons will be pecking from the palm of my...Double Dee? what's with the bird calls? I hate birds!"
"n-nn--n-n-n-n-nnoooo-n-oo-n-o! b-b-b-b-ebeebee-behind you, Eddy!" Edd slurred throatily.
"Huh?....aaargh!!" screeched Eddy in alarm "Somewhere to hide! Somewhere to hide!" he scampered around like a mouse being hunted down by a ferocious tabby cat.
"Well if it aint the three stooges!" snorted Lee, lifting her ginger bangs from her eyes to look at them as she spoke. "What's all this about Las Vegas..."
"Viva Las Vegas!" chorused Marie and May.
"How do you know about it, Lee Kanker?" shouted Eddy, finding his bravery. "It’s top secret!"
"As top secret as your leopard-skin undies, Eddy?" asked Marie, a huge grin on her face.
"They're my brother's, I'm just borrowing them." he yelped in embarrassment, tucking them in.
"Says Eddy on the tag!" squealed Lee as she hoisted them over his head. Eddy howled as the elastic pulled his forehead back and the seam of the underpants arched him into a pretzel shape.
"Eddy!" cried Ed defensively as he picked up the helpless wedgie victim just before he plummeted to the ground in pain, his face a molten-lava red. The Eds zoomed out of the locker hall door for sanctuary, not wanting to suffer the same fate.
![](/images/revenge.jpg")
"I love you too, Eddy!" sighed Lee as she blew him a kiss.
The Eds scarpered into the boys bathroom, and Eddy slumped on the floor, his eyes burning with rage.
"I have to admit, those undergarments are quite a statement, Eddy!"
Edd froze in his tracks.
"Ed, Eddy's got that demonic look in his eyes again!" Edd peeped, terrified. Ed waved his hand in front of Eddy's face. He didn't respond, the only animation being the steam spurting out of his ears. Suddenly he stood up, teeth grinding and bellowed;
"I'M SICK AND TIRED OF BEING A DORK!!!!!!!"
Edd, trembling, walked gingerly towards him, his arms outstretched reassuringly.
" I understand your frustration Eddy, but what can we do? The Kankers won't give up, so we can only hold our heads up and-"
"Whatever it is sockhed,Forget it!" Eddy snapped, waving his hands dismissively. "It's time we put matters into my hands." he sneered deviously, clenching his fists at his side." Y'see boys, it's torment like THAT!" boiled Eddy hatefully as he pointed
in the direction of where they had just fled.
" that ends right here, right NOW!"
A cubicle door creaked, and Kevin poked his head out nervously.
"Are they gone?" He said, his voice quivering.
"I presume so, Kevin." said Edd.
"Great!" He sighed with relief, and tiptoed out of the cubicle. "You know what?"
"What?" asked the Eds flatly in expectation of the routine "Dork!" catchphrase.
"If there's anything worse then you three...it's the Kankers!"
"Oh! heh...in what sense?" asked Edd nervously.
"Well in that I'd sooner be in cohorts with a gang
of social rejects like you than get it on with Lee I mean, she's
on the worse side of scary, ain't she?"
"Scary as Ed's chin is invisible!" agreed Eddy. Kevin sniggered for a split second then realised whose mouth the wit came from and stopped abruptly.
"Yeah well, whatever. Don't tell anyone what I said." He warned, heading for the door.
He stepped out and the Eds looked at eachother in confusion. "What was that about?" asked Eddy.
"Beats the mayonnaise out of me!" said Ed.
"Um...did Kevin just insult or compliment us?" asked Edd.
"Don't you see, Double dee?!?" beamed Eddy. "If we charge the kids of the cul-de-sac a quarter to play in our jawbreaker casino we'll be super-rich, and Kevin would sooner be in cohorts with us than get frilly with Lee, eh?" sneered Eddy, with an evil blackmailing glint in his shifty eyes.
"But I don't understand, Eddy!!!" exclaimed Edd. "Why is this scheme any different to any other we've come up with, if anything it has to be the most preposterous of them all!"
"They'll win jawbreakers instead of money...but they'll be a special kind of jawbreaker...a cheeky jawbreaker...an oh-so-wicked jawbreaker!"
Eddy stood up on the sink basin to get ready for his big speech.
"As you know boys, The Kankers have been the bane of our existence since they plagued our fair Peach Creek, but not any more! Under the guise of my illustrious Viva Ed Vegas Jawbreaker casino, I have a jawbreaker jackpot surprise with their names written on! "
Eddy jumped down and flung his arms around Ed and Edd's shoulders, pulling them into a huddle.
"You know those really spicy and mouth-incinerating breakerbombs you get in a pack of jawbreakers every now and then?"
"Incinerating? those tutoring lessons must be paying off, Eddy." snorted Edd sarcastically.
"just shurrup and look pretty for once, double-dee." he snapped. Edd frowned and Eddy continued.
"Well, before my brother went away, he handed me the ancestral recipe for the Mother Of All Breakerbombs...and I've dusted it off in preparation for my long-awaited revenge on the curse that is the Kankers!"
"My word, Eddy! sentence structure! vocabulary, dare I mention!" baited Edd. "What's next, a D+ average? Well, you never know, miracles happen every day..."
"Listen, Sockhead!" Barked Eddy "The world will regret the day I unleashed this brain power! Ed, you still saving all your breakerbombs that you get with your jawbreakers?"
"Fire at will, Eddy!" shouted Ed, jumping around the bathroom, whooping and looking like a hamster with rabies doing a Rambo impersonation.
"Take me to your leader!" he cried before accidentally karate-kicking himself in the forehead and landing on the floor. "My calves hurt." he said.
"what was that in aid of, lumpy?" scoffed Eddy.
"Dramatic action, I presume...the plot thickens! I mean, do you know what a hamster with rabies doing a Rambo impersonation has to do with anything?" peeped Edd. He and Eddy pondered for a second, winced at the thought, and shook their heads.
"Hmm...now all we need is a venue..." pondered Eddy.
"How big's your garage, Double"-
"Oh no you don't, Mister!" snapped Edd. " I'll be a dutchman if you pollute my residence with your corrupt Vegas enterprise!"
"Hillo Jacob!" said Ed to Edd in his best Dutch accent.
"Well said, chernobyl anus!" Eddy cackled."You gotta love'em!" He said as he snapped his underpants back into place with a twang and strutting towards the door.
"okey dokey,Double Dee..." he smirked. "Seen as you're so determined to keep the elders sweet its up to you!
It's your job to scout out somewhere to get this show on the road, comprendez?"
"Um...do I speak swahili or something?" irked Edd.
"I told you I want no part of"-
"Right, that's settled then. Keep your eyes peeled, Moneypenny!"
laughed Eddy. He turned to Ed.
"C'mon, Monobrow, I can't be late again!"
"Late, are we late?!?" panicked Edd. "Oh no!" his pulse surged and he started to sweat. " my personal record! I've tarnished my personal punctuality record! On my first day, too! Oh, oh, oh this is not good, this is worse than Mother's Brussels sprouts!"
"Don't get your panties in a knot, double-dee! you're in science down the corridor from here!"
"where are you two?"
"we're in math, and I can't be late on my first day or it's curfew-cut for sure, and no curfew-cut's getting in the way of this scam, double-dee!" said Eddy with a devilish smirk. Edd gulped. scams with Eddy usually meant a lot of the proverbial s-word in the fan! Ed picked himself up and followed Eddy out. "Hang on, Mr Happy! math is this way!" Eddy's voice rang through the corridors, followed by the echo of Ed's voice saying " 1+1=1 on a bun!"
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